


It's Not Fair (I'm Sorry)

by ShimmyShamWithTheFam



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Arranged Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Forced Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Off-screen Relationship(s), mentions of mental abuse, mentions of physical abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-07 01:07:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11612766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShimmyShamWithTheFam/pseuds/ShimmyShamWithTheFam
Summary: Gon wanted to take Killua away from them; to let him escape from all the hurt and the sorrow and the pain. Gon wanted to heal those blues eyes and make them sparkle just like the first night they met. It wasn’t fair.It wasn’t fucking fair.





	It's Not Fair (I'm Sorry)

**Author's Note:**

> This was an AU a good friend of mine and I had been working on!  
> We unfortunately never really got far with it.  
> But I decided to post this anyways!  
> A modern day AU where Killua's family forces him into an arranged relationship for political and reputation purposes.

Gon analyzed a particularly purple mark on Killua’s left shoulder. It settled ominously against his pale skin, forcing both of the boys to remind themselves the exact situation that Killua was in. Killua winced as Gon gently brought down a package of ice to soothe the swelling of the skin.

Gon wanted to take Killua away from them; to let him escape from all the hurt and the sorrow and the pain. Gon wanted to heal those blues eyes and make them sparkle just like the first night they met. It wasn’t fair.

_It wasn't fucking fair_.

To see the one person he had ever felt he could truly love every single little detail about suffer so traumatically... It was sickening. It was gross. Gon wanted nothing more than to storm in the Zoldyck household and demand that every individual who had ever caused his angel pain to leave him alone; to stop hurting him.

He wanted to give a certain woman responsible for the bruises and bloodshed and emotional trauma a piece of his mind. He’d tell her she would never deserve Killua. That all she does is beat and batter him, and that she could never truly love and adore him in the way that Gon could. He’d scream at her that Killua doesn’t love her, and that the only reason why Killua is with her is because his family forced Killua into the relationship.  
Gon bit his lip until the skin broke underneath the pressure.

That’s right, of course.

Killua didn’t love her.

And the only reason the two shared a space was because Killua’s controlling parents had found out that Killua could never really take a liking to females. Killua didn’t hate them per se, he just never saw them to be attractive. Nor could he ever feel romantic feelings towards them.

He had tried.

Truly tried; multiple times even. Most of those experiments and trials were with the woman he was currently in an arranged relationship with. Yes, he had tried with every fiber of his being to be like what his parents wanted. But there was always an emptiness, a part of him that just couldn’t comply.

And he suffered for it every day; just like this.

And Gon hated it.

He fucking _hated_ it.

Because it felt as if there was truly nothing he could do to save this person.

“Killua… I’m sorry…” Gon started as he tended gently to purple skin.

Killua huffed absentmindedly. “You didn’t do anything, Gon. There’s no need to apologize.” Killua’s voice was a quivering mess despite how he desperately tried to control it. It was hard containing his emotions when Gon made it so easy to break down his walls.

Gon reached his fingertips to ask for permission to rub them lightly against Killua’s cheek. He refused to make contact, even just the slightest, until Killua gave consent to do so. Killua was usually relatively skittish after receiving his weekly dosage of abuse. Gon didn’t want to add onto the fear.

He never wanted to be a part of Killua’s fear.

Relief didn’t even begin to describe the emotions that washed over him when Killua nuzzled his cheek gently into Gon’s palm. Gon rubbed his thumb ever so gently along the smooth cheek. “Killua?” Gon said his name in question, a wordless plea for the addressed man to look him in the eye. Killua did not comply, but Gon continued nonetheless. He wouldn’t force Killua to look him in the eye if it made him uncomfortable.

“Killua, I’m not apologizing because I feel I’ve done something. It’s because of the fact that I’ve done nothing to help you escape this mess that I’m apologizing.” Killua darted his eyes to lock with Gon’s for a split second. Only for a second could Gon reciprocate a look from those dying blue waves.

“You don’t have to…” Killua inhaled, shuttering in the process. He was desperately holding back tears and Gon knew it. Killua continued after he found some ground. “You’re not obligated to do anything… What you’re doing now is already enough.”

Gon shook his head. It was far from enough. “No. It’s not enough; it won’t be enough until we can find a way to get you away from it all. Killua, we could-”

“Gon… I’ve already told you… My father is too high up on his damn political pedestal to fight. He’d have any authority figure erase evidence of any bs happening. He’d imprison me in the mansion for the rest of my life! He’d torture Alluka and force her to be something she’s not, and… I don’t even want to imagine what he’d to do you. I won’t let Alluka or you get hurt.”

Gon pulled the ice pack away from Killua’s shoulder; the swelling finally beginning to calm. “That’s not fair…” Gon reached his arm around Killua, pressing his hand into the small of Killua’s back. Killua let him without a fight; relieved to feel Gon’s warmth against him. He felt the ache disappear when Gon pressed his lips against the fragile bruised skin. But the pain in his heart remained deeply rooted. He could feel the burn in his throat begin to well up again, and knew that if Gon continued talking, he wouldn’t be able to stop the flow of tears from pouring. He wanted to tell Gon to stop. To stay silent and let them just be here for just a little while. To just let him quiet his mind for once.

But he couldn’t convince his voice to make an entrance, so he pressed his forehead into the dip of Gon’s neck. Gon embraced him firmly and continued his words; all the while brushing his fingers through silken strands of hair.”That’s not fair… that you get hurt. That you get hit and screamed at and get things thrown at you. It’s not fair that when you knock at my door, I can’t greet you with a grin and immediately embrace you with laughter and smiles. It’s not fair that you get so mistreated and thrown around like you’re worthless because… because you’re not.”

Killua took in his first shattering breath, preparing himself for an onslaught of warm wetness slipping down his cheeks. He buried his face more into Gon’s neck. “You are so much more than what they tell you, angel. You are so much more than just the heir to some sick twisted political throne. You are so precious, like every single precious gem in existence. Except you’re even more beautiful than them. They’re trash in comparison to you-”

The first tear came trailing hotly down a cheek. “Gon… please... “

“Killua, you say that I am your starlight; that I always shine so brightly in comparison to you, but I think that’s false. Because every light needs a source, and Killua, you are my source. And when you’re hurt…”

“Please…” _Stop_ … _If you keep talking like this_ … Another hot drop slides down. Killua’s whole body begins to quake underneath Gon’s arms. Gon responds by pulling Killua in tighter, wishing that he could just squeeze all of the hurt and pain away.

“When you’re hurt, my light is extinguished. I can’t shine brightly unless you’re safe and happy, so… Damn it Killua it’s not fair! It’s not fucking fair when you say you don’t want me to get hurt when I see you damaged and tattered every single time!”

They cling to each other tighter, as if they’d simply wither away if they weren’t tightly pressed against one another. By now, Killua was sobbing furiously. Long slender fingers curled achingly into Gon’s black tank top; almost piercing through the fabric as the appendages dug into the palm of the hand in which they were attached to.

_If you keep talking like this… Then I won’t be able to stop myself from being selfish. I don’t deserve to be selfish…_

Killua whimpered into Gon’s neck, drenching the darker skin. Gon could care less. He welcomed Killua being vulnerable in front of him; wishing that Killua could let these emotions out more often. If only Killua didn’t have to build walls all the time… if only he could just let these things out.

But that’s not how the Zoldyck had been raised. He had been taught from a young age that enduring pain proved one’s power. That if he sucked back the tears and stared hurt stubbornly in the eye, that it would just simply cease to exist.

But things were different around Gon.

Things had always been different around Gon.

And maybe that’s why things seemed to hurt more lately; because he knew that he finally had something to be scared of losing.

**Author's Note:**

> Well... I'm sorry this ends so abruptly but I kinda like it like that.  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
